The New Normal.

November is my official "freak out" month. It is the month I told myself I am allowed to think about my return to work. Tomorrow is November and I am NOT prepared. 

 I'm very much looking forward to going back. I miss my friends and I miss that part of me.. I actually feel like by not working a part of me is missing (more on this another time). What I am not ready for is to share my time at home with anything other than Colin. I'm not ready for those Sunday night shivers. 

I'm not good with transitions (in life, or in writing). I always spend a lot of time worrying and fretting and never spending enough time enjoying the change as it's happening. I hope that in acknowledging this I am at least a little bit more aware during the process and I can enjoy getting my whole life back in order building what is to be our new normal.  

 

To make this as smooth a transition as possible I know that I will need to spend a significant part of the next 24 days at home, writing lesson plans and gearing up for the classroom mayhem I am about to return to...  I'm still not ready.  And, maybe it's because the end of my pregnancy lasted through summer vacation or maybe it's because I am having mommy guilt already for taking moments away from Colin or maybe it's that I haven't stood in front of a classroom of students in five months and I'm just straight up unprepared........

This should be interesting. 

The day with one smile.

I sit here with my little baby boy on my lap, quiet for the first time all day. Of the 10 weeks we have spent together, today was one of the hardest.   Just when I thought I had the hang of this little guy, he throws a crazy new kind of day at me.  It has been very difficult to keep him happy today. Our days are usually full of laughs and smiles and games... Today, there have been tears, and when there are no tears there is sleep, and when we wake from sleep there is feeding (difficult on even a good day), which is followed closely by "up the back" poops. 

All of this being said, in these few moments of quiet I thought about how much my life has changed, and how much I treasure every second now. Literally, every single second.  

Earlier, during a very difficult hour, he went from crying one moment to looking up at me and smiling. Just one smile, one big smile, and my entire body melted.  The hours of tears (from us both), the grumbling belly (from us both), the three ruined and now poop stained outfits (from us both)... They don't matter... When I think about this day, I will only think about that smile.

And with that, the little munchkin has fallen asleep.... Sitting in my lap as I typed.. Like a perfect angel.